Recovery is about learning to live. I was an addict, completely out of control, and am lucky to be alive. By the grace of God, I can share my experience, strength, and hope. If I felt disrespected by somebody my first response was to say a smart comment, be aggressive, maybe cuss someone out; my anger was out of control. It was immature, and a childish reaction to a situation I may not have liked, or did not go my way. I have always had a quick temper and fiery personality, and a tendency to be resentful. AA helped make me aware of that, meditation has helped maintain my focus on what is important, and exercise helps with my stress, and to blow off steam. I would say that is the biggest difference between being in my active addiction and being in recovery. I have a tool bag full of tools to use, and instead of reaching to drugs to cope with life, I find myself starting to crave a run. For instance, I started my new job this week, and after a long day, I got stuck in rush hour traffic; which is going to be more of an occurrence now. Anyways, it stressed me out, and could feel my blood boil. I kept it together (maybe dropped the F bomb a bit) but nothing too crazy! By the time I got home, all I could think about was how bad I just wanted to go sprint. And sprint I did. 2.5 miles, and 15 minutes later, I was back home, exhausted. My head was beating and sweat dripping down my face, and my heart was about to jump out of my chest. And it was the best feeling! That is how I cope now. Also, an unwavering discipline, borderline militaristic at times, is crucial. An addict is not used to following rules, or adhering to someone else’s expectations. In fact, that may be the catalyst for some to being experimenting with drugs. I do not like following rules either, or having someone boss me around, and I was grateful enough to end up in a profession as an independent contractor. But that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. I have a co-worker for example who is going to really test my patience. But my attitude is that I will become a better for person for developing a kind approach to people who may get on my nerves. And in my line of work now that will be more common. I guess if there was one thing I want to express, it is that it is too easy to blow up on someone because you may be offended or angry, but the stronger person knows to control themselves, and maintain an even temperament. This doesn’t mean be a doormat. You can absolutely stand up for yourself if you feel like someone may be trying to take advantage of you, or simply a disagreement, but there is a way to do it in which you maintain a professional attitude, and a mature reaction. And it is something that must be practiced in every interaction had. The sooner you learn to do that the easier you will have when working with a difficult person. “A fool vents all his feeling, but a wise man holds them back” Proverbs 29:11 God Bless.
0 Comments
I have always dreamed of being a business professional, but only recently have I been able to turn that dream into reality. When using, I dreamed of doing this, and that, but it never happened. I would wake up, and do the same thing every day; get some money and score so I don’t get sick, and try to avoid being arrested.
My life has purpose now. I am not chained down, a slave to the drugs; No, I am in control of my life. It is an amazing, liberating feeling. When a prisoner steps out as a free man, there must be a certain degree of insecurity; what will I do with all this time? I have always been told what to do, now I am making my own decisions. It can be overwhelming, remember Shawshank redemption? My grandma used to tell me, “Idle hands are the devils handiwork.” I now understand what that means. Being new in recovery, it is imperative to find an activity to pass the time. Try knitting, running, riding a bike, reading, writing, golfing; what did you enjoy as a child? I have found that what I enjoyed as a kid, is still enjoyable. I like to go fishing, ride dirt bikes, play golf, read, write, all things that I gave up when I started using. I threw away a lot of opportunities; full ride scholarships for basketball, or hockey, the chance to play junior hockey, but I learned a lot about myself, and am a better person because of what I went through. One thing I hold onto, that gives me hope and inspiration, is that I went through what I did as a young kid, and now being 26, I have my entire life ahead of me. I thought for the longest time that I was destined to live the life of a junkie, but that is not true. With discipline, determination, and the support of my family, and the proper treatment, I have addressed my issues. On slip and it could all be gone. The drugs want me to fail; to be weak, and long for their comforting presence. That warm feeling that overcomes you after a hit. It is crucial that I stay focused on recovery, because when I lose sight of it, I start to drift back into the darkness. “To whom much is given, much is expected” Luke 12:35 God bless. My Addiction
In my darkest days, Only then will I see the light. I am up until the sunrise, Howling at the moonlight. Tomorrow may be my last, But will I ever learn? That one day, It may be my turn. I’m stuck, Between two extremes. Confusing reality, and my dreams. Is it the drugs I feel? That false sense of security. My Pride and vanity, Being Blinded by insanity. |
AuthorI am a grateful recovering alcoholic and substance abuser. I graduated from CSU with a BA in business, and am now a law student pursuing a career in the legal field. I hope you enjoy my site! Feel free to introduce yourself and share a story with me that I will publish! Archives
July 2020
Categories |