I feel stuck. I quit my job last week. The 12 hour days of being at a desk, cold calling hundreds of people a week, the stress of trying to meet the unrealistically high sales quotas, it was all too much for me to handle. It was a great experience, and I got to see what I enjoyed, and disliked, about the job. I was having trouble managing everything that was expected of me. There is no one to blame besides myself. I jumped straight into a job after graduation. I chose to work over travelling to China. I haven’t felt like I have had time to unwind since I graduated. I was going full speed; finishing school, working, looking for work after graduation, trying to find a place to live. I felt like I was being forced to conform, and change who I am. I have a personality and a desire to help people less fortunate than I. How can I do that working in investments? It’s not possible.
I do a good job of masking what I feel, then I have a moment and it all comes boiling to the surface. I am weaning of suboxone and it has me feeling all sorts of weird. It is not as bad as full-fledged heroin withdrawals; more the anxiety, chills, restless legs, and I feel completely drained of energy. It is more becoming a hindrance, than it is helping. And with that I took the initiative to start the wean myself. The withdrawals are tolerable, and I am seeing colors more vividly, food and coffee tastes stronger, and I am noticing the fresh smells of nature. I feel trapped. Life goes on, and I am here still trying to figure just what I want out of life. Getting sober was the easy part. Learning how to live life is hard. Life is hard. I know I am an intelligent person with unlimited potential, but if I am not willing to put in the work, then I will continue to feel stuck. I have been re-evaluating my life ever since I quit my job, and I feel that I am being called to serve, and to serve in the most selfless way possible; the armed forces. My dream is to go to law school, then go into politics. But law school costs hundreds of thousands of dollars, and the Air Force will cover it! So, that is the path I am going to pursue. Only issue is that I have some prior charges related to underage drinking and a DUI. Nothing is on my record though, so I don’t know what will be found.. Just pray that they see how far I’ve come in the last 8 years. I graduated with a business degree, and am a completely different person. I feel completely transformed. I trust in God. Thank you for reading.
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AuthorI am a grateful recovering alcoholic and substance abuser. I graduated from CSU with a BA in business, and am now a law student pursuing a career in the legal field. I hope you enjoy my site! Feel free to introduce yourself and share a story with me that I will publish! Archives
July 2020
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